Still alive

This is more of an update to and about myself rather than a discussion about programming, software development, or software design.

This site basically started out as a showcase as a single component of a freelance web development service that I was starting after the pandemic started and I got laid off from my full time job. I quickly realized that I wasn’t very good at directly dealing with clients, nor did I enjoy it, so that fell off pretty quickly. Freelancing might still be in the cards for me some day, but for the moment I think I’ll stick to keeping my head down and writing code without having to deal with the business and marketing side of things as well.

It’s been seven months since the COVID pandemic started. I was laid off from my web development job in March 2020, got in back in June 2020, and now I’m working full time again. However, it’s possible that my current company won’t be able to continue after government stimulus funding for businesses runs out in the new year.

Whatever happens I will continue my journey in software development though. Sometimes it’s frustrating. Sometimes I feel absolutely stupid. Sometimes I feel like a god (usually after solving a bug I feel smart for about 5 minutes until I move on to the next one). Overall, even with all the negatives, it’s interesting. It’s one of the few things that I can do to distract myself from boredom and depression. Games used to be a thing, but now they just don’t do it for me anymore. Similarly, television programs just don’t have that same allure. They need to be top echelon material to even grab my attention. Even then it’s difficult to hold my interest.

I’ve found an interesting pattern in my behavior. Well, interesting is one word. Another word is deplorable. Every few months I’ll get a burst of motivation and excitement to start a new project. I plan it out and start to implement the ideas, but inevitably I become disinterested. I think what happens is that I’m addicted to the excitement of starting a new project from the ground up, then when the implementation itself becomes too laborious or difficult to figure out I lose steam and stop working on it. I have like one hundred unfinished software projects. Since I started writing code over 11 years ago I’m not sure I’ve finished one project (aside from university assignments). Again, not sure if this is interesting so much as it’s more likely a deplorable characteristic.

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